Someone please tell me I'm not alone

I know that all kids are smart and creative and yady yady, but I feel like I am getting a bit out of my league here. I blame it on their father. I'm not sure exactly when my 4 year old turned 40 but this morning was the first time that I realized just how far out to sea I am.

Ethan has a really bad habit of biting his nails. I mean really bad. To the point I am getting a bit concerned he might permanently ruin his nails because he bites them beyond the quick. It kinda makes me sick actually. So David put the gauntlet down last night and said "No more. This is not something we are going to do anymore. If you need your nails trimmed than ask Mommy, but you will not bite your nails anymore" I was completely convinced. I stopped biting my nails right then and there and have been 12 hours sober since. I thought for sure that it would work for Ethan too. So this morning, I was sitting on the toilet thinking I might get 30 seconds to pee by myself if I was really quiet, when the siren rang out alerting the troops that I was "occupied" and my fan club came to cheer me on. Ethan put his hands up to his mouth and I said "No sir. we are not doing that anymore, remember?"  That is when he looked at me and said

"Mom, don't worry about me ok? I'm almost 5 and I'm a big boy. I'm not a little baby. You don't wipe my butt anymore and I brush my own teeth so I got this. What are you going to do when I go to kindergarten? You can still tie my shoes because I can't yet, but you don't have to worry about me ok?"

Then of course the peanut gallery pipes in with

"Yeah mom, he big boy. Leave him 'lone, k? Please you be done so I go poo now"

Ok, so first off, what the crap does he mean by that "I got this". You are 4 and I am your mother so I tell you what you got. And secondly, so not fair! Not only didn't he just write me off because you know, "He's a big boy" but he had a wing man! I know I should be proud that my boys are looking out for each other but there should be some exclusion clause or something that makes it against the law to gang up on your mother. Especially when she is trying to pee! I think I need to start searching out other mothers that are completely outnumbered by their toddlers and start and abuse support group or something. I'm grateful for my smart, articulate and independent children. I would hate to have stupid, clingy kids who still want me to wash out their skid marks at age 35 but can't I have some ramp up time or something????