My kids are too much for me sometimes that I just bust up laughing when I should probably be ashamed of what just came out of their mouth. We were watching t.v. (all of my hippy friends....please don't judge me....I like America's Got Talent) and unfortunately we have to deal with icky nasty commercials that normally I mute so my poor children's ears do not have to be defiled and most likely brainwashed with some corporate schemes that influence them make poor choices that are profitable to the big wigs of the big box but I was distracted and a couple of them got through. Ethan runs over to me and Caleb in the kitchen and yells
"Caleb, you won't believe what I just heard. You can get one medium pizza, 10 bread sticks with their own icing cup, along with bread sticks and pizza sauce all for only $10 and its only at Pizza Hut. Can you believe that?!"
Caleb: "Wow. T'at is so tool! .....Mama!..... You got ten buts? We t'ould det some pizza! Is tat a drate idea??? Ethan!......tome here and tell mom tat a drate idea!!!! I LOVE PIZZA!!!!"
They were pretty bummed when I told them they needed to settle with home grown tomato and basil with fresh motz on whole wheat sandwiches but fortunately an Arby's commercial came on to distract them and teach them all about "Good Mood Food" My poor children. The ones who call McDonalds the "big M place with chicken nuggets"
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
An oldy but a goody
So this happened a while ago but I haven't been wanting to write lately for some reason. But I certainly thinks that it is worthy of a little posting.
So I had just finished planting the rest of my plants in the garden which took my a while longer than expected but whatever. Anyway, the boys were of course out there helping me and Ethan piped up with
"That's a damn fine good looking garden you got there Mama."
Why yes, yes it is.....however.....
"Thank you son. I agree with you. It is a damn fine good looking garden but I don't think that is a word someone of your age and size should be using. Do you think that you could find a way to say that, that is a little more appropriate?"
He pauses to think and you can see he is really trying.
"Hmmm..... I think the garden looks really nice?????"
"Very good" :)
We agreed that when he gets to be a bit taller he can try using that word again to see if its something he wants to use, but in the mean time he would stick to expanding his vocabulary in ways that wouldn't get me called to the principles office regularly
So I had just finished planting the rest of my plants in the garden which took my a while longer than expected but whatever. Anyway, the boys were of course out there helping me and Ethan piped up with
"That's a damn fine good looking garden you got there Mama."
Why yes, yes it is.....however.....
"Thank you son. I agree with you. It is a damn fine good looking garden but I don't think that is a word someone of your age and size should be using. Do you think that you could find a way to say that, that is a little more appropriate?"
He pauses to think and you can see he is really trying.
"Hmmm..... I think the garden looks really nice?????"
"Very good" :)
We agreed that when he gets to be a bit taller he can try using that word again to see if its something he wants to use, but in the mean time he would stick to expanding his vocabulary in ways that wouldn't get me called to the principles office regularly
Aparently I missed this one in nursery school
I love when I think that I know the ways of the world and my children remind me that there is an infinite world of possibilities that exist and I can learn something new everyday. Take for example the little piggy rhyme. You know the one that you use your little toes for. "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none. And this little piggy cried WEE WEE WEE all the way home." This is the way that I always thought it went. I now stand corrected. Ethan asked me to do the little piggy song on his toes and after my rendition as previously stated he says "Mom, that sounded nice but I don't think that is the way that it really goes" by which I responded with probably a little more 'tude than was necessary when conversing with a 5 year old, "Oh really"
"Yep. I will tell you the way that it goes."
He clears his throat and grabs at my feet to use as example piggies.
"This little piggy lived at the farm, this little piggy went to the grocery market. This little piggy wished he could go to the store with his big brother but he wouldn't let him because he wanted some alone time, this little piggy had tuna fish sandwiches. And the baby little piggy liked to visit the zoo"
He then asked me how I liked his version and if we should make that the new way of saying it all the time and I of course agreed. Tuna fish sandwiches are so much better than roast beef and who doesn't like to visit the zoo? Like I said....learn something new every day.
"Yep. I will tell you the way that it goes."
He clears his throat and grabs at my feet to use as example piggies.
"This little piggy lived at the farm, this little piggy went to the grocery market. This little piggy wished he could go to the store with his big brother but he wouldn't let him because he wanted some alone time, this little piggy had tuna fish sandwiches. And the baby little piggy liked to visit the zoo"
He then asked me how I liked his version and if we should make that the new way of saying it all the time and I of course agreed. Tuna fish sandwiches are so much better than roast beef and who doesn't like to visit the zoo? Like I said....learn something new every day.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Warning: Graphic attention to poop and profanity
Ye have been warned. This one is loaded so if my title didn't scare you off and the promise of underage swearing doesn't sway you, then you might be in for the laugh of your day. It certainly was mine.
It's been cold and snowy for a while here on "the bench" and therefore I have let the doggy doo duty slide a little (ok a lot) and it had really "piled" up. (Bear with me, the poo puns really are endless and well..... I have no shame) Caleb was begging to go play outside and I had been putting him off because I knew that there was no way I was going to let loose the master of all that is clumsy and gross into a backyard full of shite. After he had adorned his self with plaid shorts, green and black horizontally striped shirt, orange hoody complete with baseball cap underneath said hood, my pink fuzzy socks and his blue and teal snow boots, he proceeded to "promise mama whole lot I know step in poo" It was nice outside and I had really no excuse not to go outside with my children other than I had gotten a spur in my saddle and was organizing the shoe and coat catastrophe in the living room corner. Good mama won. I got on my chartreuse coat and clogs and headed for the back door. I have no idea where my children get their sense of fashion.
Picking up dog poop has just got to be the grossest freaking thing on the planet and this is coming from a mother of 3 boys. I love our dog but I tell ya if there was a way to not have clean up her crap all the time, there is not much I wouldn't pay. The only thing grosser than picking it up with a shovel is scraping it off #2's brand new running shoes he got for his birthday. So baby in one arm and shovel in the other hand, I order Numero Uno to grab the poop bucket and off we went. I have a really bad habit of letting my mouth get a little filthy when I am upset or stressed or I am trying to be funny because.... I think swearing is funny, and well in the steaming heat of the moment I gasped out something that I tried to conceal under my breath but sounded a lot like "Ugh, I hate dog $%#@" I should know better than to hope that would go un-noticed and un-mimicked so how it caught me by surprise when a few minutes later Ethan admired the size, shape and color of Layla's after math with a "Holy crap that is a lot of shit!" I will never know, but unfortunately.... I find swearing really funny and I couldn't help but bust out laughing. Which of course encouraged Batman's faithful side kick to pipe in dancing around like lord of the poop flies complete with every aspiring artists wardrobe of choice singing "whole lot of shit, whole lot of shit" It just went all down hill from there because apparently the baby being even more like his mother than a 7 month old should be, busted out laughing as well. So for the recap, I have taught my number one son to swear like a sailor, Caleb "thinks he can dance" and it looks like I can count on my infant to be in my corner the next time I go on one of my "Mommy's worst moments revealed"
It's been cold and snowy for a while here on "the bench" and therefore I have let the doggy doo duty slide a little (ok a lot) and it had really "piled" up. (Bear with me, the poo puns really are endless and well..... I have no shame) Caleb was begging to go play outside and I had been putting him off because I knew that there was no way I was going to let loose the master of all that is clumsy and gross into a backyard full of shite. After he had adorned his self with plaid shorts, green and black horizontally striped shirt, orange hoody complete with baseball cap underneath said hood, my pink fuzzy socks and his blue and teal snow boots, he proceeded to "promise mama whole lot I know step in poo" It was nice outside and I had really no excuse not to go outside with my children other than I had gotten a spur in my saddle and was organizing the shoe and coat catastrophe in the living room corner. Good mama won. I got on my chartreuse coat and clogs and headed for the back door. I have no idea where my children get their sense of fashion.
Picking up dog poop has just got to be the grossest freaking thing on the planet and this is coming from a mother of 3 boys. I love our dog but I tell ya if there was a way to not have clean up her crap all the time, there is not much I wouldn't pay. The only thing grosser than picking it up with a shovel is scraping it off #2's brand new running shoes he got for his birthday. So baby in one arm and shovel in the other hand, I order Numero Uno to grab the poop bucket and off we went. I have a really bad habit of letting my mouth get a little filthy when I am upset or stressed or I am trying to be funny because.... I think swearing is funny, and well in the steaming heat of the moment I gasped out something that I tried to conceal under my breath but sounded a lot like "Ugh, I hate dog $%#@" I should know better than to hope that would go un-noticed and un-mimicked so how it caught me by surprise when a few minutes later Ethan admired the size, shape and color of Layla's after math with a "Holy crap that is a lot of shit!" I will never know, but unfortunately.... I find swearing really funny and I couldn't help but bust out laughing. Which of course encouraged Batman's faithful side kick to pipe in dancing around like lord of the poop flies complete with every aspiring artists wardrobe of choice singing "whole lot of shit, whole lot of shit" It just went all down hill from there because apparently the baby being even more like his mother than a 7 month old should be, busted out laughing as well. So for the recap, I have taught my number one son to swear like a sailor, Caleb "thinks he can dance" and it looks like I can count on my infant to be in my corner the next time I go on one of my "Mommy's worst moments revealed"
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Apples and Oranges
I really love watching the dynamic of the two older boys as they get older and develop their own personalities. Ethan is very head strong but very sensitive to how others think and feel. He pushes the boundaries (he is only four mind you) but he is much more exploratory about it. Kind of like "Just how far can I push my mom before her head explodes" Not in a mean way but purely scientific. Caleb is pretty much the opposite. He has a great sense of humor and timing and really is pretty funny but his motivations are not nearly as cerebral as Ethan's are. It is more like "If I keep screaming like this Mom's head will explode. This will be awesome!"
The only thing that really comforts me is that they do it to other people as well....not just me. Ethan has become Caleb's favorite target as of late. He has figured out that if he just says the opposite of whatever Ethan says whether its true or not, Ethan will get irate and apparently that is really funny. Now here is where I have to actually take some of the blame for that. For a long time David and I have talked about how Ethan is much more like him emotionally and mentally and Caleb is like me. Ethan needs to have things exact and specific. Caleb just wants to have fun and get messy. Like I said, David and I have produced clones of ourselves. That being said..... it really is kind of funny when Caleb gets under Ethan's skin. Its very likely that if it is Ethan doing something to Caleb, it will drive me nuts but if Caleb's bugging Ethan, I have a bad habit of laughing. I'm an evil mom, I know, but Caleb just bugs Ethan in a way that is funny. Ok, starting to really look like a bad mom.
Ethan and I were playing his version of 20 questions which mainly consists of him asking about 20 thousand random questions that in no way are going to lead him to the conclusion of "what am I thinking of" He asked me something that was like
"Mom have you ever fallen out of a plane and splatted on the water?"
"No, I have not"
"Yeah, me neither"
CALEB: "I have"
ETHAN: "No you have not"
CALEB: "Yes I have"
ETHAN: "No you have not, because if you did you would have died and you are not dead so you have never fallen out of a plane" Very content look of satisfactorily winning the argument on his face
CALEB:"Yes I did, and then I walked home"
ETHAN: "Caleb, that is not true and its a lie and we don't lie in our family! Tell the truth and say you are sorry!"
CALEB: "It's true. I fall out of plane and land on the ground and I no die. I walk home and mom make me food"
At this point Ethan's head is the one that looks like it is going to explode. He cannot figure out how he can get Caleb to admit that he in fact did not fall out of a plane and magically walk home to breakfast. He looks at me and just starts crying. When I ask him what is going on, he says histarically
"Mom, Caleb thinks that he fell out of a plane and then got up and walked away and that is just not true. No one can do that because they would die and Caleb did not die so he couldn't have done that! Tell him that, that its not true and to say sorry for lying to me!"
Of course I want to support telling the truth and I don't want to take Ethan's feelings lightly but I am having a really hard time not laughing because this is totally the type of prank I would pull on my siblings and it might very well be morbid but I think its kind of funny.
ME:"Caleb, its not very nice to bug your brother. Saying that you fell out of a plane and splatted on the water and then walked home is really upsetting to him. Do you want to think about your story and maybe that it is not true?"
Caleb starts laughing and points at Ethan and talking about how he tricked him and "it so funny" Ethan gets really pissed and runs off to his room screaming something about "CALEB!"....... "NOT FUNNY".......... "BAD, BAD LIAR!" ........."DID NOT SPLATT!"
Caleb is still just muttering and chuckling to himself as he plays with some toys on the floor. My mind drifts off and I have a little day dream of a five year old David and a 3 year old Olivia playing in a toy room. Its not long before 5 year old David runs off yelling "I'm going to go tell my mom what you just said!!" and 3 year old Olivia continues to build her block castle and a sick little smile on her face.
The only thing that really comforts me is that they do it to other people as well....not just me. Ethan has become Caleb's favorite target as of late. He has figured out that if he just says the opposite of whatever Ethan says whether its true or not, Ethan will get irate and apparently that is really funny. Now here is where I have to actually take some of the blame for that. For a long time David and I have talked about how Ethan is much more like him emotionally and mentally and Caleb is like me. Ethan needs to have things exact and specific. Caleb just wants to have fun and get messy. Like I said, David and I have produced clones of ourselves. That being said..... it really is kind of funny when Caleb gets under Ethan's skin. Its very likely that if it is Ethan doing something to Caleb, it will drive me nuts but if Caleb's bugging Ethan, I have a bad habit of laughing. I'm an evil mom, I know, but Caleb just bugs Ethan in a way that is funny. Ok, starting to really look like a bad mom.
Ethan and I were playing his version of 20 questions which mainly consists of him asking about 20 thousand random questions that in no way are going to lead him to the conclusion of "what am I thinking of" He asked me something that was like
"Mom have you ever fallen out of a plane and splatted on the water?"
"No, I have not"
"Yeah, me neither"
CALEB: "I have"
ETHAN: "No you have not"
CALEB: "Yes I have"
ETHAN: "No you have not, because if you did you would have died and you are not dead so you have never fallen out of a plane" Very content look of satisfactorily winning the argument on his face
CALEB:"Yes I did, and then I walked home"
ETHAN: "Caleb, that is not true and its a lie and we don't lie in our family! Tell the truth and say you are sorry!"
CALEB: "It's true. I fall out of plane and land on the ground and I no die. I walk home and mom make me food"
At this point Ethan's head is the one that looks like it is going to explode. He cannot figure out how he can get Caleb to admit that he in fact did not fall out of a plane and magically walk home to breakfast. He looks at me and just starts crying. When I ask him what is going on, he says histarically
"Mom, Caleb thinks that he fell out of a plane and then got up and walked away and that is just not true. No one can do that because they would die and Caleb did not die so he couldn't have done that! Tell him that, that its not true and to say sorry for lying to me!"
Of course I want to support telling the truth and I don't want to take Ethan's feelings lightly but I am having a really hard time not laughing because this is totally the type of prank I would pull on my siblings and it might very well be morbid but I think its kind of funny.
ME:"Caleb, its not very nice to bug your brother. Saying that you fell out of a plane and splatted on the water and then walked home is really upsetting to him. Do you want to think about your story and maybe that it is not true?"
Caleb starts laughing and points at Ethan and talking about how he tricked him and "it so funny" Ethan gets really pissed and runs off to his room screaming something about "CALEB!"....... "NOT FUNNY".......... "BAD, BAD LIAR!" ........."DID NOT SPLATT!"
Caleb is still just muttering and chuckling to himself as he plays with some toys on the floor. My mind drifts off and I have a little day dream of a five year old David and a 3 year old Olivia playing in a toy room. Its not long before 5 year old David runs off yelling "I'm going to go tell my mom what you just said!!" and 3 year old Olivia continues to build her block castle and a sick little smile on her face.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I am beginning to see a trend
Why there have been several posts lately pertaining to bodily functions and excretions, I am not sure. Its most likely due to the fact that I am surrounded on a daily basis by boys and it is genetically encoded in their DNA to be fascinated by such things. I'm still trying to figure out why I find it so funny but that seems to be a separate issue. So the trends I am seeing here are as follows. 1) my boys are very comfortable with farting and pooping and anything of the like and 2) I apparently spend way too much time in the bathroom where a whole lot of my stories are starting to come from.
I was yet again in the bathroom and I have started to find myself pretty frustrated that the boys have gotten themselves in sync with my potty time. Every flippin time I have to go to the bathroom they run in there demanding that I hurry and finish because they have to go. Me being the good mother that I am and more importantly than that don't want to have to clean up their mess hurry and get off so they can go. But you know what? I need my toilet time too. Whether I need it or not I should feel more than comfortable to take a minute or five to just sit there. Guys get their good 20 minutes in the morning, I am lucky if I get 20 minutes in a week. So I decided that the next one to come in declaring I be de-throned, I was going to politely decline and ask them to wait for me to be finished. Now I was not going to be excessively mean or anything and cause a scene because remember... I have to be the one to clean it up, but just long enough to hopefully start instilling in their heads that this was just not going to be tolerated anymore. It just had to be Caleb. The one I was a bit more concerned with making a scene anyway. I had just sat down to pee when he ran in, naked as a jay bird, saying.... something.... well, actually I am not sure what he said. I can't understand him most days and then he had this stuffed up nose which made his indiscernible garble all nasally, anyway I got the hint he needed to go and I told him to wait. He did actually pretty good until he "F"- worded (remember, we don't use that word) So I said,
"Excuse me, what do you say?" and sure enough without missing a beat and looking as though it were completely my fault that the squirrels in his butt started barking,
"See I told you I have to go, now you get off the potty?!"
Fine, whatever. But I will remember this when I am like 90 and having disturbing issues in my undergarments that my children will just have to deal with. Personally I am hoping I just roll over and die before I get to the point where I am crapping my own pants, but if I don't.... well, they are going to wish they had respected my bathroom time a little better because I don't care if you are Mother freaking Theresa.... ain't nobody want to clean up their poopy mom.
I was yet again in the bathroom and I have started to find myself pretty frustrated that the boys have gotten themselves in sync with my potty time. Every flippin time I have to go to the bathroom they run in there demanding that I hurry and finish because they have to go. Me being the good mother that I am and more importantly than that don't want to have to clean up their mess hurry and get off so they can go. But you know what? I need my toilet time too. Whether I need it or not I should feel more than comfortable to take a minute or five to just sit there. Guys get their good 20 minutes in the morning, I am lucky if I get 20 minutes in a week. So I decided that the next one to come in declaring I be de-throned, I was going to politely decline and ask them to wait for me to be finished. Now I was not going to be excessively mean or anything and cause a scene because remember... I have to be the one to clean it up, but just long enough to hopefully start instilling in their heads that this was just not going to be tolerated anymore. It just had to be Caleb. The one I was a bit more concerned with making a scene anyway. I had just sat down to pee when he ran in, naked as a jay bird, saying.... something.... well, actually I am not sure what he said. I can't understand him most days and then he had this stuffed up nose which made his indiscernible garble all nasally, anyway I got the hint he needed to go and I told him to wait. He did actually pretty good until he "F"- worded (remember, we don't use that word) So I said,
"Excuse me, what do you say?" and sure enough without missing a beat and looking as though it were completely my fault that the squirrels in his butt started barking,
"See I told you I have to go, now you get off the potty?!"
Fine, whatever. But I will remember this when I am like 90 and having disturbing issues in my undergarments that my children will just have to deal with. Personally I am hoping I just roll over and die before I get to the point where I am crapping my own pants, but if I don't.... well, they are going to wish they had respected my bathroom time a little better because I don't care if you are Mother freaking Theresa.... ain't nobody want to clean up their poopy mom.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Someone please tell me I'm not alone
I know that all kids are smart and creative and yady yady, but I feel like I am getting a bit out of my league here. I blame it on their father. I'm not sure exactly when my 4 year old turned 40 but this morning was the first time that I realized just how far out to sea I am.
Ethan has a really bad habit of biting his nails. I mean really bad. To the point I am getting a bit concerned he might permanently ruin his nails because he bites them beyond the quick. It kinda makes me sick actually. So David put the gauntlet down last night and said "No more. This is not something we are going to do anymore. If you need your nails trimmed than ask Mommy, but you will not bite your nails anymore" I was completely convinced. I stopped biting my nails right then and there and have been 12 hours sober since. I thought for sure that it would work for Ethan too. So this morning, I was sitting on the toilet thinking I might get 30 seconds to pee by myself if I was really quiet, when the siren rang out alerting the troops that I was "occupied" and my fan club came to cheer me on. Ethan put his hands up to his mouth and I said "No sir. we are not doing that anymore, remember?" That is when he looked at me and said
"Mom, don't worry about me ok? I'm almost 5 and I'm a big boy. I'm not a little baby. You don't wipe my butt anymore and I brush my own teeth so I got this. What are you going to do when I go to kindergarten? You can still tie my shoes because I can't yet, but you don't have to worry about me ok?"
Then of course the peanut gallery pipes in with
"Yeah mom, he big boy. Leave him 'lone, k? Please you be done so I go poo now"
Ok, so first off, what the crap does he mean by that "I got this". You are 4 and I am your mother so I tell you what you got. And secondly, so not fair! Not only didn't he just write me off because you know, "He's a big boy" but he had a wing man! I know I should be proud that my boys are looking out for each other but there should be some exclusion clause or something that makes it against the law to gang up on your mother. Especially when she is trying to pee! I think I need to start searching out other mothers that are completely outnumbered by their toddlers and start and abuse support group or something. I'm grateful for my smart, articulate and independent children. I would hate to have stupid, clingy kids who still want me to wash out their skid marks at age 35 but can't I have some ramp up time or something????
Ethan has a really bad habit of biting his nails. I mean really bad. To the point I am getting a bit concerned he might permanently ruin his nails because he bites them beyond the quick. It kinda makes me sick actually. So David put the gauntlet down last night and said "No more. This is not something we are going to do anymore. If you need your nails trimmed than ask Mommy, but you will not bite your nails anymore" I was completely convinced. I stopped biting my nails right then and there and have been 12 hours sober since. I thought for sure that it would work for Ethan too. So this morning, I was sitting on the toilet thinking I might get 30 seconds to pee by myself if I was really quiet, when the siren rang out alerting the troops that I was "occupied" and my fan club came to cheer me on. Ethan put his hands up to his mouth and I said "No sir. we are not doing that anymore, remember?" That is when he looked at me and said
"Mom, don't worry about me ok? I'm almost 5 and I'm a big boy. I'm not a little baby. You don't wipe my butt anymore and I brush my own teeth so I got this. What are you going to do when I go to kindergarten? You can still tie my shoes because I can't yet, but you don't have to worry about me ok?"
Then of course the peanut gallery pipes in with
"Yeah mom, he big boy. Leave him 'lone, k? Please you be done so I go poo now"
Ok, so first off, what the crap does he mean by that "I got this". You are 4 and I am your mother so I tell you what you got. And secondly, so not fair! Not only didn't he just write me off because you know, "He's a big boy" but he had a wing man! I know I should be proud that my boys are looking out for each other but there should be some exclusion clause or something that makes it against the law to gang up on your mother. Especially when she is trying to pee! I think I need to start searching out other mothers that are completely outnumbered by their toddlers and start and abuse support group or something. I'm grateful for my smart, articulate and independent children. I would hate to have stupid, clingy kids who still want me to wash out their skid marks at age 35 but can't I have some ramp up time or something????
Monday, January 24, 2011
Whoever names it, claims it
It's been a while. Sorry. It's not that my boys have been uncharacteristically funny its just that I have been tired. The holidays seemed to have worn me out. That being said this was just too funny not to jot down.
They had been sitting at the table eating their afternoon snack when apparently last nights round of tacos and burritos decided to grace us again with its presence via route Ethan's behind. David hates hearing the "f" word out of children's mouths (can you blame him?) so we have told the children to use the word "stinky" I know, I know... lame, but the alternatives are worse. I would probably roll over laughing every time my kids used "poof" or "bum puff" or whatever. That being said, Ethan farted! This was no stinky. I mean like pretty much man fart and I got to be honest it scared me a little. I expected to turn around and see a full sized man or at least a 5 foot troll standing where my tiny little offspring sat. I was so startled by said eruption that I nearly screamed out "Who on earth was that" Ethan is my little shy boy when it comes to being embarrassed. He also knew that its totally fine and everyone does it, but one must excuse himself. We may not be able to control our bodies expelling gases but we are not barbarians. The ability to beg one's pardon is what separates us from the animals. So he sheepishly apologized and said "it was me" Caleb sitting next to him and out of no where says very defiantly "No, it was me" Ethan looking just as confused as to where that came from as me says "No.... it was me"
"Nope! It was me. I stinkied"
"No Caleb! It was me"
Of course this turned into a little game and they bantered back and forth a few times until Caleb apparently having picked up on the art of intimidation by making oneself larger (this one he must have picked up from the nature shows we have watched... you know the ones with the bobbing birds and who has the biggest breast gets the ladies) stands up on the kitchen table bench and in the deepest, loudest and most growling monster voice the kid could muster yells in Ethan's face "NO! IT WAS ME!!!!"
Poor Ethan, sensing that there was really no way out of this, says "Fine, whatever....it was you", looks at me with a look that could not have said more clearly if he has said it aloud "what the crap is with him" and heads into the play room to play with his trains. Caleb, clearly very proud of himself, sits back down to finish the rest of his snack. I proceed promptly to the computer.
They had been sitting at the table eating their afternoon snack when apparently last nights round of tacos and burritos decided to grace us again with its presence via route Ethan's behind. David hates hearing the "f" word out of children's mouths (can you blame him?) so we have told the children to use the word "stinky" I know, I know... lame, but the alternatives are worse. I would probably roll over laughing every time my kids used "poof" or "bum puff" or whatever. That being said, Ethan farted! This was no stinky. I mean like pretty much man fart and I got to be honest it scared me a little. I expected to turn around and see a full sized man or at least a 5 foot troll standing where my tiny little offspring sat. I was so startled by said eruption that I nearly screamed out "Who on earth was that" Ethan is my little shy boy when it comes to being embarrassed. He also knew that its totally fine and everyone does it, but one must excuse himself. We may not be able to control our bodies expelling gases but we are not barbarians. The ability to beg one's pardon is what separates us from the animals. So he sheepishly apologized and said "it was me" Caleb sitting next to him and out of no where says very defiantly "No, it was me" Ethan looking just as confused as to where that came from as me says "No.... it was me"
"Nope! It was me. I stinkied"
"No Caleb! It was me"
Of course this turned into a little game and they bantered back and forth a few times until Caleb apparently having picked up on the art of intimidation by making oneself larger (this one he must have picked up from the nature shows we have watched... you know the ones with the bobbing birds and who has the biggest breast gets the ladies) stands up on the kitchen table bench and in the deepest, loudest and most growling monster voice the kid could muster yells in Ethan's face "NO! IT WAS ME!!!!"
Poor Ethan, sensing that there was really no way out of this, says "Fine, whatever....it was you", looks at me with a look that could not have said more clearly if he has said it aloud "what the crap is with him" and heads into the play room to play with his trains. Caleb, clearly very proud of himself, sits back down to finish the rest of his snack. I proceed promptly to the computer.
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