Thats how babies are made

Maybe it was a mistake to tell Ethan how babies are made. I hear from their toy room.."You are going to be the sperm and you have to byume the egg so the baby will grow out of it. Get your gun... lets go... BYUME!! BYUME!!!!" Firing and shooting noises ensued as they jumped off the toy table in their underwear and capes

Karma

I suppose it was bound to happen. David and I used to tease my sister in law Melody that her son reminded us of Boomhower from King of the Hill. If you don't know what I am talking about you will just have to search for a clip on Youtube or something because you can't fully grasp the hilarity of it by reading. The gist of it though for those who will not youtube it is, he mumbles and occasionally you get a word her or there that you understand but pretty much its just garble. It was really funny when it was my nephew and I didn't have to try and decipher everything little thing that he said on a daily basis but now that it is my own son, its flat out driving me nuts. I cannot understand Caleb for the life of me and I am not sure of what to do. I know that he probably thinks that I am retarded or something that I can't understand him, but I cannot tell you how often I find myself just staring at him as he rambles on without a clue of what he is trying to say. Sometimes it is funny because he will ramble on for a few minutes and then bust up laughing apparently having just said something hilarious and then run off but a lot of time he tries so hard and I am sure its like the secret of the universe or some fabulous way to make a lot of money and its only fair I guess that I am not getting it but I tell ya. The universe has a way of telling you it's not nice to point out things in other people's children. Other people are fine but apparently not their children

My son with the sensitive soul

It started snowing last night and the boys didn't realize it until they went to the front room and saw the flurries. I was in the kitchen doing the dishes when I hear Ethan scream. I went into the front room and asked him what was the matter. He says

"Mom, I just can't take it. I can't take it"

Me: "What's the matter honey"

"Oh mom, its just that.... its... I can't take it.... It's so....AWESOME!.....I think I am going to cry. Is it ok if I cry?"

Me: "Of course its ok to cry.... do you need a hug"

"Yes please"

30 seconds later he went over to his little brother and smacked him upside the head. That's a boy for ya, I guess.

Dr. Son

I woke up this morning with a bit of the junk that afflicted my poor husband over the weekend. Not nearly as bad as he got it but I have an irritating cough and a bit of the sniffles. Ethan told me that it was a must that we make homemade chicken noodle soup because it is super healthy and will chase away the bugs that are eating my body. He said that it couldn't be the kind from the can because that is not as healthy as the kind I make for him when he is sick. I agree with the kid but that means I have to make soup when I am sick..... hmmmm.

"Mom, can I tell you a joke?"

Ethan: "Mom, can I tell you a joke?"

Me: "Sure"

Ethan: "Why do some stores not sell sunglasses?"

Me: " I don't know. Why"

Ethan: "Because they just don't"

Maniac four year old laugh

Ethan: "Can I tell you another joke?"

Me: "Sure"

Ethan: "Why do some babies not come out of tummy's?"

Me: " I don't know. Why"

Ethan: "Because they just don't"

Ethan: "Can I tell you another joke?"

Me: "Sure"

Ethan: "Why do people with no legs not walk"

Me: " I don't know. Why"

Ethan: "Because they just don't"

Now ask me how long I let this go on.....for about 12 more jokes ;)

Oh Jeez

So this one is not so much funny as it is "what the crap do I say to that" and "how the crap did you know to ask those questions" So maybe it is funny to others, I just had no clue where to take this.  So we are eating breakfast this morning and out of no where Ethan says

"Mommy, why can't we be married to more than one person at a time?"

"That's just not the way we do it honey. The law says we can only be married to one person at a time. That's it"

"And only girls marry boys huh? Boys don't marry other boys?"

Oh crap. Here we go...

"Well.... sometimes.... uh.... sometimes some boys marry other  boys. Not all the time, but sometimes. It's ok for them but it's just not how Mommy and Daddy did it. Mommy is a girl and Daddy is a boy."

"But how can they have babies if neither one of them has a vagina? You have to have a vagina for the baby to come out"

What the hell?!?!

"You are right. If two boys who are married want to have a baby they have to adopt."

Bet you can't guess what the next question was

"Mommy, what does adopt mean"

"Adopt means when someone doesn't want to or can't take care of their baby, they give it to someone else to take care of"

"People give away their babies!?"

"Sometimes."

"That is not ok. We do not get rid of our babies."

"Well we don't but sometimes it is better for other people. But that way people who can't have babies of their own can have babies. And that is a good thing."

"Yeah like boys"

"Yeah, like boys...."

And I take the exit.....Jeez

Quality Control position now available

So we like to do the natural hippie thing as much as possible right. We have kind of slipped a little this past year and the kids have have more "naughty treats" in said last year than in their whole lives. That being said I have been trying to get back on the wacky wagon and provide better food options for my children. So I have been experimenting with a lot of "home made" things. I have butter down, and my no-sweetner jams are AWESOME (I am so modest) and I successfully did all my canning this year using only water instead of juice or a simple syrup. On top of being beautiful in the jars, they surprisingly made a really yummy fruit flavored syrup that again has no sugar. Talky, talky, talky.... I'm really cool.

Yesterdays adventure was yogurt. Now we had some errands to do so I wasn't able to watch it and get it to the right temps and I fudged a little on how much time it spent "incubating" so I know the mistakes I made and will fix next time. All in all it tastes pretty good it just looks a little grainy. So I pull it out this morning to try it and of course Ethan is like "Food?, I like food" and was more than willing to try it. I gave him a little taste and as he moved it across his pallet carefully judging all food factors as he has seen me do so many times, this is the verdict.

"Well, its gots a funny feeling on my tounge, kind of like mushy sand and it smells kinda gross but I think it tastes a little like baby puke...." 

Look of horror and realization coming onto his face....

"Mom! Is this baby puke?! Did you just feed me baby puke?! How could you!?"

Exit stage left to the bathroom where he willingly brushed his own teeth.

He probably is going to opt out of being my taste tester for a while. Caleb of course is smart enough to have figured out that he lets Ethan try things first and if its good go for it so now I must find a new guinea pig. Any takers????

Is there such a thing as being "too educated?"

Like every good mother I try to answer my children's questions with the most honesty as is age appropriate. I also believe in telling them how things really are. So when questions like "what makes me a boy and you a girl?" come up well there is really only one way to answer that. Boys are boys because they have a penis and girls are girls because they have a vagina. Well after about a week of identifying every one we met by there body parts, such as "that boy is a boy because he has a penis." and "Does that girl have a vagina?", Ethan finally got the concept and let it drop for a while. This was all before I had the baby of course and it wasn't very long before questions came up on how the baby was going to get out of my tummy and again...Honesty. We went over how the baby comes out of the mom's vagina and yada yada. Needless to say he has a very clear understanding of "how things work" as far as birth goes. Thankfully enough we had only a few questions on how the baby got in there in the first place and he was pacified with level one answers. Now comes the funny part of the story....

So I am listening to them play this morning and they have this huge 4 foot tall stuffed dog that apparently was "with child" Children actually. And more specifically my children. Yep. The big stuffed dog was pregnant with my children. So this is what I hear.

"Ok Caleb. We are going to come out of the Mama doggies vagina soon. Its going to be scary and she is going to scream really loud. Are you ready? Ok. I am going to go first because I am the oldest and then you. Just hold on tight and it will all be over soon. Ok? Ready? Here we go......"

By this time I am laughing so hard that I can't hear the rest of the narrative but had certainly heard enough to remind myself how awesome my kids are.

I suppose I should be happy they are playing and not fighting.